I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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