my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
