she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
