Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
