ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
