you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
