I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
