I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
