3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize