don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you had me at cake vodka
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
