my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
