Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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