the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
