it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
whose ass print is on the piano?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
