Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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