From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I just sharted jello shots
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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