i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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