her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
