think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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