today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
