Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
