he was CRYING into my vagina
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
