The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
