i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You made out with two different species that night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
