Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
