I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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