I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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