If that was your dad, he is hot
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am available for nakedness
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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