No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So much rum. So many feels.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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