so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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