We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
