It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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