so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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