your thong is hanging out like whoa
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
