watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you had me at cake vodka
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize