I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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