Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
