he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
