So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
