I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
