I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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