Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
