i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
