If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
how does that bad decision feel?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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