It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
