My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
