You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
