she was so not down for the gang bang
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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