PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
