If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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