The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
