That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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