okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
