Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize