About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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