I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
