i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
