I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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