Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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