Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
