What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
