You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
do nipples grow back?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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