Three words: puerto rican gang bang
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
