Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
