I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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